Review: Friday the 13th (2009)

Let me start off by saying, I didn't hate it. I can appreciate "dumb fun" that pays homage to previous entries in a franchise. However, there are so many things wrong with this movie that it makes it difficult to say I like it, either.

First off, there was no suspense. Jason is only Jason when he is stalking his prey slowly through the woods. We rarely ever got that with this remake. Jason would simply appear behind the person. Zero tension. Secondly, other than one death in the opening sequence and one death later on in the lake, the deaths were lame. L.A.M.E. I realize this isn't Saw, but surely that wasn't the best they could do. The death of Mr. Grade A Douchebag was so unfulfilling. A character like that deserves an extended demise where we can root for the bad guy just once.

Which brings me to my third point, and I'm really about to go off on a tangent here, so bare with me. I don't know if it is an MPAA thing or poor judgment on the filmmakers' part (I'm sure the MPAA would have a cow if graphic violence and sex were mixed), but it's unfortunate that they had to sacrifice clearer death scenes for extended sex scenes so we could get more ridiculous dialog. Seriously, stupendous? The shaky-cam that shows up in so many horror movies today is as tired now as the first time I ever saw it. Why is this popular? Does the shakiness really add tension? It only gives me a headache and brings me out of the action. It's as if using that effect is to make up for the fact that the filmmakers don't know how to build real tension and are too scared to show the special f/x in the death scene. Honestly, I would prefer to see CG or even bad f/x than to deal with the camera mimicking a Mexican jumping bean.

And finally, one of the golden rules of horror movies was broken multiple times and that simply won't do. You cannot, cannot, show power tools or unique death bringers and not freaking use them! That is inexcusable and disappointing. I thought for sure the power saw in the tool shed would allow us a good crimson bath, or the wood chipper actually, oh I don't know... get to rip through flesh. Is that too much to ask? Again, see my third point.

On a side note, I have dreaded a remake of "A Nightmare on Elm Street" ever since it was first announced and after seeing what Michael Bay has done with "Friday" (not to mention the disgrace, "The Unborn"), I'm down right scared to death.

I won't even bother with what I feel about the new Jason. Derek Mears did his job fine, but it almost feels like his talents were wasted. The lack of Manfredini's original score was also a let down. Again, I didn't hate the remake; this movie could easily fall into place in a "Friday the 13th" home viewing marathon. But it fails on so many levels that it's easy to rip it to shreds. Basically, I'm making up for the misused wood chipper.